Protected: What to Say to Church Members Leaving for Bad Reasons – A Response
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I don’t know how anyone goes through the adoptive process – as adoptive parents OR birth parents – without God. I know that adoption is not limited to believers, but I honestly don’t know how those who don’t find their strength in God are able to do it. Adoption is hard. Really hard. Yes, the blessings do far outweigh the difficulties, and it really is worth it, but it is not for the faint of heart.
When we started five plus years ago (with a Christian agency that had a great reputation), I was excited and nervous…and scared. I had heard the horror stories of changed minds and children being ripped from adoptive parents’ arms months or years after the fact. But I also knew that there were red flags present in those situations, and that making sure we chose a good agency, one that made sure all the details were done right, and was a believing agency to boot, would protect us.
What I didn’t foresee at that time, and couldn’t articulate until much later, was that just having the Christian tag on the agency doesn’t make it the right agency for us. I was confident when we went through our first home study, with a wonderful case worker with whom we connected instantly, that we had chosen the right agency. A few months into our initial year, I began to have doubts. Our profile was not being presented often…in fact, perhaps 3-4 times over the course of a year. Our social worker was also the director of the agency, and as I had more interactions with her, I became more and more in doubt of her enthusiasm for our family. I began to feel we did not have an advocate, and I began to doubt our suitability to be adoptive parents. I wondered what was wrong with us. With me. What was making us a family that no one wanted?
In retrospect, I see now that it was not that no one wanted us, but it was that few birth parents saw us. The reasons given were that we didn’t fit the profile desired by the birth families. I was really, really discouraged. What’s more, I didn’t have the words (ironic as that is) to articulate that to my husband…not until we moved away.
I am so grateful that we had (have) friends who are vigilant prayer warriors. I know that there were many, many prayers spoken on our behalf, and I know that were it not for that, I would have felt completely alone, and completely marginalized by our agency. I also see now that God was present throughout that entire, discouraging year, and rather than barring us from having our hearts’ desire, he was working diligently on my heart.
After our cross-country move, it took me over a year to gear up and be ready to try again. We were starting again from scratch. This time, when we underwent our home study, my heart was (finally) where it should have been all along. I finally prayed, without reservation: “Lord, I will take and love whatever child you have chosen for me. Period.” My heart was not there before. True, our (Christian) agency didn’t care for us in the way I would have liked. The director didn’t have the enthusiasm for us (or in my opinion, for her job in general) that I thought she should. She did disappoint me desperately, and I came to believe that if she had lost her enthusiasm and joy for this job, perhaps it was no longer the job for her.
But, my heart wasn’t prepared in the way it should have been, and God used that year to show me that. As soon as I let go of my fears and doubts about WHO I could parent, God opened up the door that brought our beautiful son into our home.
We had decided to pursue adoption through foster care. We had not made any limitations with regard to race or ethnicity, we were flexible in what special needs we would consider, and we were open to more than one child, of any age up to our biological son’s age.
We got a call from our agency, requesting us…appealing to us…to consider joining the domestic adoption program. They had more birth moms than they had adoptive families to present. They desperately needed more adoptive families in the program. I saw God all over that. How could we say no? We couldn’t. and in that moment we set the wheels in motion that brought our son home to us.
If I wasn’t convinced in God’s providence before (I was), I have seen it firsthand now. God wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but He also wants us to trust Him completely, and trust that He loves us and has our very best interests at heart. I had to trust Him completely, and stop trying to engineer the outcome I wanted, and as soon as I did that, he gave me the best possible outcome, one that I could neither have engineered nor foreseen.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Yes, you read the title right. Apparently, red ink is too mean, and teachers can no longer use it to grade students’ work. Well, so says the administration at Mounts Bay Academy near Penzance, Cornwall, England. Here is the news article. If you think this is an isolated case, think again. I’ve heard these stories for years, and this is just another step in the utter wussification of the current generation. But no worries, it’s just a first world problem. Carry on…
Feeding the political junkie that is me requires a lot of reading. It’s fortunate I love both…politics & reading. The thing is, there comes a point where personal sanity is at stake. Seriously, there are days when I have to laugh at the absurdity of our current political situation, otherwise I would cry.
In the interest of seeing the absurdity in action, watch this:
I feel the same way about the increasing hostility toward all things Christian. It’s not all things religious, because the vitriol does not spew toward Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Druidism, Wiccan, Agnosticism, Atheism, and any number of others the way it spews toward anything Christian. I do not get it. In the United States, the only country in the world that has religious freedom codified into its Constitution, Christianity is becoming the unpopular, ugly stepchild that is fun to pick on because those of us who believe in Christ are not as “enlightened” or “cool” as those who don’t. If I didn’t laugh (somewhat bitterly), I would cry.
Lest you think the above is exaggeration, I direct you to this blog post outline the lawsuit filed by Mike S. Adams against University of North Carolina – Wilmingtion, accusing them of violating his First Amendment rights by denying him promotion to full professor because of his religious and political beliefs. Next, read this column by Mike S. Adams himself. Finally, note here, here, here, and here that he won his trial, and UNC-W was found to have violated his First Amendment rights by denying him this promotion. A judgment for damages is still pending, and yes <sigh>, UNC-W is considering an appeal.
Oh, and then there’s Bill Maher, and this “giraffe crap.” To his credit, he did the obligatory jab at the world’s religions, but his ugliest words were for Christians.
Speaking of Christians, don’t you find it ironic that someone who is a staunch believer in Jesus Christ can also be a harsh and completely unforgiving person? The acknowledging and receiving of the most profound and unselfish example of forgiveness simply does not translate into grace and mercy when dealing with other people, and there is no opportunity for redemption of the relationship once it has failed. I find it the starkest – and saddest – illustration of irony I have ever seen, not to mention one of the things that continually tarnishes Christians. Striving to follow Jesus while simultaneously rejecting anyone who has failed you. Irony, thy name is <insert name here>.
I’m contemplating another go at the Blogging from A to Z Challenge. You can read about it here. I participated in 2012, and it was great fun, but terribly time consuming. In 2013 I was all set to do it again, but I got sick and life got b-u-s-y. I missed it. So here we are again…I haven’t planned ahead this year, and I haven’t signed up…and the start date is rapidly approaching. I’m wondering if any of my blogging friends are considering it (again for some). Woman Never Sleeps, have you thought about jumping in again? What about you, Good Food: Savories, Sweets & Stories? I know you did the challenge in 2013…how did you like it? What about you, Joy in Life? Living Loving Breathing Boys? A Homemaker in Training?
For the first time in 21 years, my pets do not include cats. I’m a little sad about that. I love cats, and I’ve had several really great cats over my lifetime. However, our family has entered the season of young boys and dogs, and after watching our sweet new pup Dexter follow our 8yo son around today, plus seeing the look of sheer delight on our 6mo son’s face when Dexter licks his face/hands/arms/feet/legs/whatever part he can reach, I can’t say I’m disappointed. It’ll be a new experience for me, and I’m embracing it.
And with that, I’m tapped out for now.
Okay, you have ten seconds–not a term paper, not a sermon, not a blog post, not five minutes–ten seconds to talk about our country’s most controversial subject with someone who wants you to say something stupid, and you have to state your mind, on the spot, humbly and articulately in a way that honors Christ, tells the truth, is shrewd as a serpent, and as innocent as a dove, go:
Do you think the NFL (or MLB, or NBA, or NHL, or whatever) is ready for a gay player?
I think every team in this league wants to win, and the coaches and the people in the front office are doing all they can to get the best people in here so we can put the best team on the field.
Do you think the guys in the locker room would feel comfortable with a gay player?
I can’t speak for the guys in my locker room. I just know we want to win and want the best players who can help us meet our goals.
Would you personally be comfortable with a gay teammate?
I’m a Christian which means I believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ for my sins. It also means I believe the Bible. The Bible tells me to love my neighbor so that’s what I would hope to do with any teammate.
But would you be uncomfortable with a gay teammate?
We’d find out. I don’t really know if I’m comfortable with any of my teammates until we get to know each other.
So do you personally think being gay is a sin?
The story of the Bible is the story of grace for sinners. So naturally the Bible is going to say a lot about sin. And guys sleeping with guys is one of the things the Bible calls sin. But everyone on my team is sinner and that starts with me.
Would you draft a gay player if you were the General Manager?
I’d evaluate him like any other player and look at film, the results from the combine, his pro day, his work ethic, and his character.
How would you feel if he does get drafted by your team?
I’d look forward to meeting him once camp starts.
And if he is watching this right now, what would you say to him?
I’d tell him he probably has better things to do than watch me on t.v.
What is the first thing you will say to him if he’s on your team?
Hello.
Anything else? Would you hang out with him?
Sure, if he likes video games and talking about Jesus.
Do you worry that a gay player might feel offended or threatened knowing what you and other Christians on the team think about his lifestyle?
Not any more worried than I am about the teammates who don’t agree with my beliefs or my choices in life.
How do you respond to the stories that equate this with Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in baseball?
I’ll stick to playing football and let you write the stories.
But do you think there is something historical and ground-breaking about the first openly gay man in your sport?
I suppose a lot of people think it is ground-breaking.
And what do you think?
I’m not sure it’s quite the same as overcoming a centuries-old legacy of slavery and institutionalized segregation.
How do you think the fans will respond if the first gay player is your team?
Depends on if we are winning or losing. I think fans are more concerned with getting wins from their football team than social commentary.
How will Christians like yourself and Christians on your team learn to be tolerant of someone when you disagree with him on something as fundamental as his sexual identity?
I hope we’ll be more tolerant of him as a person made in God’s image than some reporters are of religious people with traditional beliefs.
And why do you think conservative Christians are so obsessed with this issue of homosexuality?
You’re the one asking all the questions.
Thank you for your time. There you have it, folks, at least one Christian athlete questions whether the league is ready for this kind of breakthrough. Back to you in the studio.
Read this & much more on Kevin Young’s blog at The Gospel Coalition.
I was on the phone with a good friend the other day. After covering important topics, like disparaging each other’s mothers and retelling semi-factual tales from our college days, our conversation turned to the mundane.
“So, how’s work going?” he asked.
For those of you who don’t know, I make money by teaching leadership skills and helping people learn to get along in corporate America. My wife says it’s all a clever disguise so I can get up in front of large groups and tell stories.
I plead the fifth.
I answered my buddy’s question with,
“Definitely feeling blessed. Last year was the best year yet for my business. And it looks like this year will be just as busy.”
The words rolled off my tongue without a second thought. Like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or placing my usual lunch order at McDonald’s.
But it was a lie.
Now…
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So beautifully stated. What I would give to have had this perspective in my teens and twenties.
[Editor’s Note: Michael Travers is Professor of English and Associate Vice President of Institutional Effectiveness at Southeastern. He is author of Encountering God in the Psalms (Kregel, 2003) and co-author (with Richard D. Patterson) of Face to Face With God: Human Images of God in the Bible (Biblical Studies Press, 2008). As a disciple of Christ and good literature, and teacher on both at Southeastern, we asked him to write on the topic of reading literature for Christian formation.]
Why should Christians bother reading literature at all? Because reading literature humanizes us—in the best sense of the word. Literature helps us realize the image of God in us in ways that we cannot afford to miss. Consider….
Literature exercises and develops our emotions and imaginations. People write about what they experience and how they respond emotionally and imaginatively to their experiences. As we read good imaginative literature, we begin to see our own experiences and emotions in the larger human context. Which emotions are healthy, which not? Which emotions ought we to cultivate, which should we put to death? In literature, we can see the expressions and consequences of human emotions in real-life situations and can be encouraged or take warning accordingly. It is the same with our imaginations. Reading literature gives us what Kevin Vanhoozer calls “the power of synoptic vision”: through our imaginations responding to the imaginative writings of others, we see the important issues in life, not just the urgent and immediate circumstances around us. Imagination allows us to see the universal and timeless human issues and truths in the particular experiences of the characters in the book we are reading.
Literature speaks to the human condition in which we all find ourselves all the time. As humans, we all share the same human condition. No matter our gender, race, or nationality, we all struggle with sin, experience the emotions of love and hate, give expression to our strongest desires, and we all long for something that this world cannot satisfy—in the end, God. Literature connects us with others who have given effective expression to our common humanity and longings and, while we may not agree with a writer’s worldview, he or she illuminates our common condition in ways that can help us understand our situation better and relate to others outside of our immediate community. In Windows to the World: Literature in Christian Perspective, Leland Ryken helpfully suggests that literature “clarifies the human situation to which the Christian faith speaks.”[1] Likewise, with C. S. Lewis, a Christian can think of literature as one form of “pre-evangelism”: a means to help people ask the important questions—the eternal questions—and which gives us an opportunity to speak the gospel into their lives.
Literature expands us. Reading imaginative literature takes us outside of our own immediate situation. We get to meet other people from other places—even from other times—that we would otherwise never meet. When we read a novel, we don’t just follow a plot line; we become acquainted with more people—some friends, some not so much friends—who hone our humanity. We get to look in on other cultures—oriental as well as occidental, contemporary as well as ancient—and in its turn that experience helps us not to be blinded to the realities of our own culture and time. Again, C. S. Lewis is helpful here. What he says in An Experiment in Criticism is worth quoting at some length: “We want to see with other eyes, to imagine with other imaginations, to feel with other hearts, as well as with our own….”[2] He continues, “in reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself. Like the night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad eyes, but it is still I who see. Here [i.e. in reading great literature], as in worship, in love, in moral action, and in knowing, I transcend myself; and am never more myself than when I do.”[3] Think a bit about that!
Literature can help us glorify God in our lives. Humans are “wordish creatures.”[4] Only we, of all God’s creatures, use sounds and graphics symbolically to communicate what is not immediately present to our five senses. Only we imagine and create what is not essential to our immediate needs. Only we can appreciate beauty, truth and goodness in their own rights. God made us wordish creatures, and he communicated the gospel to us in words. Even Jesus Christ is given the epithet, “Word made flesh,” and only He communicates the Father to us sinful people. Because literature is a wordish medium, it is in some senses the form of artistic expression that allows us to get closest to our Creator. After all, we are all part of that great Story, and our stories fit into the larger Story. And you can’t tell a story without words.
Why read literature? How can you not? It’s part of our heritage as humans. But we must cultivate it if we are not to lose it again and revert to an earlier age or place where the Word and the word were both darkened. Make your words flesh that the Word made flesh might be glorified.
[1] Leland Ryken, Windows to the World: Literature in Christian Perspective (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1985), 34.
[2] C.S. Lewis, An Experiment in Criticism (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1995), 137.
[3] Ibid., 141.
[4] Bradley Green, The Gospel and the Mind: Recovering and Shaping the Intellectual Life (Crossway, 2010), 104.