April 3 (C)…Crapacious, Crapalicious, Crappity, Craposterous, Craptastic Craparoni

Not a reference to the literal brown stuff, but instead a compilation (another C word!) of a few concerns, contrivances, and circumstances that I find utterly…wait for it…are ya ready?…crappy.

CAMPING:  I am not a camping type of girl.  I like being outside…at NASCAR races, picnics (in parks…with bathrooms), at the beach, by the pool, at a ballgame.  Not camping…where there is no shower, no working toilet, no electricity, and where I have to sleep in a tent…on the ground.  No thank you.  Roughing it (for me) really is a hotel with bad pillows and no room service, so I’ll be skipping this particular style of communing with nature

COMMAS, IMPROPERLY PLACED:  I’m a grammarian…a grammar Nazi.  I’m the one that might correct your grammar on Facebook.  Yep, I’m that person.  Dwight K, are you reading this??

CLAUSTROPHOBIA:  Though not severely claustrophobic, I do not like to be squeezed into spaces where I can’t move, can’t get out, or feel like I might not be able to breathe normally.  In fact, I don’t even particularly like to watch that kind of stuff on tv, although I can read about it or see pictures of it without getting the shivers.  So suffice it to say, underwater cave diving is not for me.

CHATTY CATHIES:  I refer to the virtual variety, poised to chat me up the moment I appear online…anywhere.  Seriously, I don’t even particularly like talking on the phone, so I don’t understand what makes these chatty types think that because I am online, it can only be because I am eagerly awaiting our next chat?  Once in a while is great, don’t get me wrong, but there is a reason I turn off all my chat options.  I don’t want to be interrupted when I’m…gasp…blogging.  Or paying bills.  Or playing a game.  Or reading.  When I hit a break, I’ll pop it on, but otherwise, color me invisible.

COFFEE:  Oh no, I dint!  I freely and willingly confess that I  l-0-v-e coffee, but I will also (somewhat unwillingly) confess to being a coffee snob.  I do not like instant, wannabe, coffee-like slop.  Blech.  Scorched nearly beyond recognition, a la the average swill found at your average church on Sunday morning.  Double blech.  Microwaved, day-old coffee…only in an absolute pinch, and I’ll make negative comments while drinking it.  Most coffee sold at the service station…UNLESS they have a coffee kiosk filled with flavor varieties and additive choices…is n-a-s-t-y.  And when you’ve had Barnie’s Coffee, or Greyfriar’s Coffee, or Stone Cup coffee, or Ground Control coffee, even Starbucks seems a little bitter by comparison.  So drink the good stuff!  It’s worth it.

CONTRARIANS:  You know, the person who, regardless of what you say, seems to always have the opposite point of view?  Yes, I have a few of these joyful acquaintances.  Why do you think I keep my chat turned off?  No matter what the topic is, the are willing (compelled, even) to step onto the mat and oppose you.  Compulsive contradiction (how do you like them C words!!).  It is, in a word, craptastic.

CHUBBY CHASERS:  What a loathesome term.  Typically a description for men who are attracted to overweight women, but I suppose it can be applied in the reverse as well.  What I hate most is the need – by someone – to categorize this characteristic and attach a rather condescending descriptive to it.  I also hate the implied sexual nature, because really, why is it necessary to go there?  Who cares why people like or love those they do?  Just leave people alone.  Don’t try to psychoanalize every behavior that is perceived to be outside of the mainstream.  Because if the truth be told, everyone is out of the mainstream.  Everyone has eccentricities.  Everyone is bit neurotic about something, a bit odd about something else.  Everyone has an inner dork.  So shut it, you categorizers, you.  We don’t want to hear it…or hear about it…anymore.

Come back tomorrow for D-day. 🙂