I was Blind, but Now I See

Five Minute Friday, a writing challenge hosted by The Gypsy Mama:

So, here’s the skinny: I’ve been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Just painting with words. Finger-painting even.

So now on Fridays at The Gypsy Mama, a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

Your words. This shared feast.

A Five Minute Writing Challenge <—click to tweet this!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Please give your best five minutes on:

See:

This has been a big problem for me lately.  I can’t see what’s going on inside my husband’s head.  He has been under enormous stress at work.

  • Frustrated client
  • Long days
  • Emergencies on the weekends
  • Safety standards violated
  • Upheaval in the office

There’s more, but until last Friday, I had no idea that any of this was happening.

My husband does not bring his work home, so what I “see” in the evenings is a man who is tired, sometimes cranky, sometimes short with me, and who would would much rather relax on the couch and play with our son than anything else.  He doesn’t want to make decisions.  He doesn’t want to be griped at.  He wants to be…peacefully…in his home.  And a hot meal would help.

I haven’t been able to see all of this, because instead of purposely looking past the shortness of the response, or the sigh that isn’t a sigh of frustration at me, I instead have taken it personally, assuming that he is angry with me, frustrated with me, or in general not happy with me and the state of our life.  And I get angry…at him.  And we argue.

I don’t want to carry all the emotional and mental burdens of his job, and I do want to be a good wife to him.  It took us having one of our rare big fights arguments for me to see…that he has been internalizing all of this stress when he is home so he can keep me from worrying.

How have I been so blind?

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12 thoughts on “I was Blind, but Now I See

  1. I TOTALLY get this! I always assume if my husband is cranky, quiet, annoyed, sighing . . . you get it! It is ALWAYS my fault. But don’t blame yourself. Remember he has a responsibility to share what’s frustrating him. It just doesn’t come naturally to men.

    • It’s a learning curve, and some days are better than others. Thankfully when I finally understand, I can be more supportive. I get why he doesn’t want to talk about it, and that’s ok. Sometimes, though, the abbreviated version is necessary. Like I said, a learning curve. 😀

  2. I’ve been having a problem leaving comments on Word Press blogs. I had to log in using my twitter account.

    Anyway, it’s so nice to ‘meet’ another Phoenix blogger.

    It is hard to not take things personally when you don’t really get to ‘see’ what is going on. I’m glad your husband opened up to you about the reality at work. That kind of stress takes its toll on families. Great post and illustration on SEE!

    Blessings and love,
    Debbie

    • Thanks for the kind words.

      You’re the second person that has mentioned problems with posting on WP. I think that’s happening with Blogger profiles, and I don’t know why, but I think it’s a fix that has to be made by the site administrators. 😦

  3. Oh… I have been going through this same thing with my husband. He is over burdened at work and sometimes I just miss it. But God is so full of mercy on us. Last night we had a night of laughter and that was an amazing gift. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Interesting comment of posting problems – it’s only been recently that I have been able to post on blogger.
    As to your post: Men! and this man in particular…why is so hard to day “I’m having a tough time at the office and I don’t want to bring it home or talk about it here at home…” ?? Cheers!

    • That’s a tough one…I don’t know…it would derail a fight, but it would require a foresight that is not present in that state of mind. 😦

  5. I saw a joke where the husband wasn’t talking and seemed to be distracted. By the end of the day, his wife was sure he was having an affair and was going to leave her. Then the story switches to the husband’s pov. He’s trying to decide how best to kill the moles in their yard — something like this. If men would only talk, there would be fewer women in therapy or with ulcers.
    MM
    PS: great lesson on pov, too.

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