The Perfect Man (the story that won’t go away!)

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 Clearly, this survey hit a nerve…and a funny bone!  It is still making news, even if only to make huge fun.  And frankly, the survey (and the women who responded) do deserve a fair razzing for this.  I mean, really, smart jeans?  Watches soaps?  Admits looking at other women?  I don’t know about you, but I have more respect for myself than to settle for a man who “looks” at other women and sees fit to “admit” it to me, and any man who loves and respects his other half will go out of his way to make sure she knows that he has eyes only for her.  That is a real man.

This is not to say that I am against knowing what you want, and making choices that reflect that.  There is no such thing as “the” perfect man, but there are many, many men who are perfect for someone.  Facebook comments alone reflect that one person’s “perfect” is another person’s “not so much.”  Take a look at the following lists…

Woman   #1 Woman   #2
5’8 to   6 feet tall
Toned and athletic
“Blue” eyes
Short dark hair
Smart dress sense
Non-smoker
Gets ready quickly
Stylish
Wants a family
Earns £48,000 ($77,000) a year
Loves shopping
Eats meat
Clean shaven
Smooth chest
Enjoys watching football
Educated to degree level
Earns more than his other half
Jokes around and has a laugh
Sensitive when his wife/girlfriend is upset
Says ‘I love you’ only when he means it
Has a driver’s license
Can swim
Can ride a bike
Can change a tire
Calls mom regularly
“Can sing”
Physically:
-Under 35
-average to not more than 50 lbs overweight
-5’7″+
-no major health problems
Spiritually:
-Reformed
-church membership history of at least five years
Family:
-willing to start a family within a year after   marriage
-wants 4-6 kids
Sexual Purity:
-previously married/engaged acceptable with   legitimate grounds for termination
-has not had sex outside of marriage
Personality:
-outgoing/extrovert
Financially:
-has job
-steady job history of at least five years
-3-6 months reserve
-place to live (i.e. not with parents)
-wants me to be a homemaker
-can support a family without requiring me to work   outside the home
Relationship:
-he will continue to book the next event & escalate   the intensity of communication with each exposure.

I love that these women put some thought into what would work for them, and therein lies the benefit (I believe) of the otherwise ridiculous survey.  Far from identifying what society’s “perfect man” is, an idea that is even now being laughed at and razzed mercilessly, it is instead causing women – and men – to talk about it, to think about it, and to otherwise give voice and form to what in many cases is a more nebulous idea in our heads.  I know that’s true for me.

Before I married my husband, I had ideas about what would or would not work for me, but I never actually put pen to paper and specifically evaluated each criterion.  So,  after 10 years together and 8 years of marriage, I’m giving it a shot…

My 2002 “Perfect Man for Me”

  • Physically: like the look of him, manageable health issues
  • Spiritually:  be the spiritual leader of our home, but not overbearing and legalistic; understand that my spiritual history has been challenging and difficult
  • Education:  prefer someone with a college education, but not a deal breaker
  • Family:  wants children sooner than later; open to adoption (flexible on number, ethnicity, gender, health issues, family background); no children out of wedlock
  • Sexual Purity / History:  only two requirements other than truthful answers (if questions were asked); preference that if divorced, there were no children involved, but not a deal breaker; had never shacked up with a woman
  • Personality: makes me laugh; likes good (deep) conversation about substantive things; less introverted than I am
  • Interests:  common and complimentary interests (firearms, scuba diving, music, travel); hobbies (woodworking, home improvement, cooking, golf)
  • Financially:  can support a family with my having to work outside the home; supportive of my desire to be a stay-at-home mom; has a steady job and a home
  • Dating Relationship:  since we dated long distance, he had to make efforts to see me; make efforts to continue our phone and email communication between visits; treat me respectfully

My husband was and is all of the above, and though there were (and are) some rough edges still to be smoothed, he is without question the perfect man for me.  I told him several times over the course of our courtship that I could not pursue a relationship ever again where I felt myself getting lost.  I had that happen more than once, and I had come to the point where I would rather be single than wishing I was.  I’d rather be miserable and alone than miserable in a relationship.  Strange thing, once I got to that point, was that I became content with my single life, and that is when I met my husband.

Perhaps all this is to say that the key to finding that perfect man is to stop looking.  Know yourself, live your life in a way that reflects that, and be content.  Most importantly, live in a way that glorifies God.  That is the most alluring trait of all.

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6 thoughts on “The Perfect Man (the story that won’t go away!)

  1. I agree that there is no one perfect guy for every girl. But I think it is important to know what you need in a relationship and what you can’t stand. Being whole is the first step to finding a whole person, which is what is really important… besides being a Christian that is.

  2. Loved this post! The perfect man to me has a chizzled out chin and kind of a Richard Gere look. My husband has that look, thank the Lord!

    New theme? Love the theme! 🙂

  3. You can delete this if you want. I wanted to let you know that with this new theme, your blog did take a very long time to load on my laptop…not sure why. Might want to limit pages to (2) posts maybe? I don’t know. It took forever to load.

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