Oh, HELL No!

He loves his mom and eats meat.

By Kristin Wong Fri 5:26 PM

Well, the guys are going to love this one.

While there may be someone out there who’s perfect for you, we all know the perfect person simply doesn’t exist. Still, researchers wanted to know what qualities women want in men, and their results reveal “the perfect man.”

According to the poll by Austin Reed, the perfect man earns about $77K a year, drinks beer and drives an Audi.

But wait, men. Before you get bent out of shape, there’s even more.

Women also want men to have stylish clothes, a good body and a clean-shaven face. In fact, in the survey of 2,000 women, they list those qualities as a “must.” The hipster beards just aren’t cutting it anymore.

The perfect guy also can swim, rides a bike, and makes family his top priority.

Anything else?

Yep. Eighty-six percent of women polled say they want a sensitive man who calls his mom regularly and cries during movies.

According to The Huffington Post, a spokesperson for Austin Reed said:

“It would seem that women have high expectations when it comes to the perfect man. How a man is presented is obviously going to be a huge part of that. While women don’t want a man to be too preened, they would like him to be stylish and up to date with current trends.”

And we’re not even done yet. Women also prefer men to be 6 feet tall with short, dark hair and brown eyes. Can we be any more specific? Yes, we can. He must also be a carnivore.

I, for one, respectfully disagree with these results. Among other “imperfect” traits, my ideal man drives a ’97 Nissan and can’t swim for crap.

Here’s a full list of qualities the perfect man apparently possesses:

  1. 6 feet tall
  2. Toned and athletic
  3. Brown eyes
  4. Short dark hair
  5. Smart dress sense
  6. Beer drinker
  7. Non-smoker
  8. Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper
  9. Gets ready in 17 minutes
  10. Stylish
  11. Wants a family
  12. Earns £48,000 ($77,000) a year
  13. Loves shopping
  14. Eats meat
  15. Clean shaven
  16. Smooth chest
  17. Watches soaps
  18. Enjoys watching football
  19. Drives an Audi
  20. Educated to degree level
  21. Earns more than his other half
  22. Jokes around and has a laugh
  23. Sensitive when his wife/girlfriend is upset
  24. Says ‘I love you’ only when he means it
  25. Admits it when he looks at other women
  26. Has a driver’s license
  27. Can swim
  28. Can ride a bike
  29. Can change a tire
  30. Calls mom regularly

Read this and more at MSN Living.


Must be a slow news day.  I mean, WHO comes up with this stuff??  I find I must respond, lest one really believe that all women are this shallow.

FIRST, if you’re going to write an article about “the perfect man,” and you’re going to include a picture, it might be good to make sure he is actually good looking.  Just a thought.  And no, the man pictured above is not particularly good looking.  Kinda looks like a pretentious fop, if you ask me.  But you didn’t ask me, which is why I’m responding here.

Now, about the list:

  1. 6 feet tall…Why??  If he’s the perfect guy for you, who cares how tall he is!?
  2. Toned and athletic…Sure, but only if you’re toned and athletic as well.  Otherwise it’s pie in the sky.
  3. Brown eyes…Really??  This matters??
  4. Short dark hair…Again, this matters?
  5. Smart dress sense…An equivalently smart dress sense to me, or maybe enough sense to let me dress him.
  6. Beer drinker…I’d rather a man with discriminating beer taste.  If you’re gonna drink it, don’t drink pisswater.
  7. Non-smoker…Wouldn’t want a habitual smoker, but a cigar with the guys now and then is fine with me.
  8. Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper…What the hell does this mean??
  9. Gets ready in 17 minutes…As long as he doesn’t make me wait for him, I don’t care if he takes 7, 17, or 27 minutes.
  10. Stylish…Has is own style, ‘cuz for most men, the current androgynous, metrosexual pantywaist look doesn’t work.  Ever!
  11. Wants a family…Generally speaking, this is desirable.
  12. Earns £48,000 ($77,000) a year…Why does the dollar figure matter??  If he can pay the bills and maintain a budget, that’s what really matters.
  13. Loves shopping…WTH??  I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a spouse!
  14. Eats meat…Why exactly is this important?  Because if you’re vegetarian or vegan, that doesn’t even make sense.
  15. Clean shaven…What difference does this make?  ‘Cuz if he’s rockin’ your world, let’s hope it’s for something more meaningful than facial hair.
  16. Smooth chest…OK, I’m the girl in this relationship??  Got it??  If he’s not a competitive swimmer, then stop with the chest shaving already.
  17. Watches soaps…Not only NO, but HELL NO!!
  18. Enjoys watching football…The sport matters?? My “perfect guy” watches NASCAR.  Just sayin…
  19. Drives an Audi…Again, WTH??  Drive something manly, for heaven’s sake!!
  20. Educated to degree level…Only if your education level is equivalent.  Otherwise, why exactly does this matter??
  21. Earns more than his other half…Yes, but only because I want to stay home and mother the 482 kids we would like to have.
  22. Jokes around and has a laugh…Perhaps the least shallow point on this whole list, because a man who can joke & laugh is good indeed.
  23. Sensitive when his wife/girlfriend is upset…And says “I’m sorry” when he has caused it.
  24. Says ‘I love you’ only when he means it…And says “I love you” a lot BECAUSE he means it…and shows it by his actions, also.
  25. Admits it when he looks at other women…Only if he wants to have a fight.  WHY is this even on the list??
  26. Has a driver’s license…Setting the bar high, aren’t we??!!
  27. Can swim…WTH??  Really, this is important??
  28. Can ride a bike…Huh?  OK, nice to go on bike rides together, but critical?  Perfect??
  29. Can change a tire…AND change the oil, and do a tune up, and fix any number of other car issues that I don’t comprehend.
  30. Calls mom regularly…He should treat her respectfully.  THAT should be on every list, because it indicates how he will treat you.

OK, so my overall reaction is that this sounds more like a girlfriend than a man, and if it really is what constitutes the perfect man, he’s not a man’s man, that is for sure.  I want’ a man’s man, not some over-sensitive, soap-watching, metrosexual excuse for a male.

That really pushed the snark button today, but I’m finished now!  😀


8 thoughts on “Oh, HELL No!

  1. Hello.
    Visiting from the Post A-Z Road Trip.

    As humans, we seek perfection in an imperfect world. What makes me as perfect as I’m ever going to be are my imperfections. They are mine and they are unique…guess that’s why my wife loves me, because I’m one of a kind! (smile). Interesting post. Thanks for sharing.

    Thoughts Of Beauty In The Stillness Of Dawn…

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