What Am I Afraid Of?

Day 4 of the 31 Day Blog Challenge

I am afraid…

  1. …of snakes.  They creep me out to the point that I harbor a somewhat irrational fear of them, even at the zoo when they are enclosed in a cage.  In fact, I won’t post a picture here because just looking at them gives me the heeby-jeebies.
  2. …of spiders.  Same as with snakes, it’s a fairly irrational fear, in the sense that it includes even the most innocuous spiders.  Granted, the black widow and the brown recluse are scary adversaries, as is the tarantula.  But a Daddy Longleg?  Ok, I confess that he is the only one who doesn’t cause me to break into a cold sweat.
  3. …of public speaking.  I am a pianist, and I’m able to perform past the nerves until I relax, but having to stand up and speak, make eye contact, and interact with an audience in that way gives me a level of anxiety that, so far, I have been unable to conquer.  I’m an introvert at heart, so if I can just write what I mean to say, thankyoueversomuch.
  4. …of dying.  It’s another irrational fear, yet I somehow can not help the anxiety I feel when I think of it.  And it’s not that I don’t know where I’m headed.  I do, but that leads me to fearing…
  5. …that I don’t have enough faith, substantial faith, saving faith.  And that leads me to fearing…
  6. …that I am an inadequate parent.  That my inadequacy is what will, in the end, thwart the efforts we make toward parenting more children.  Which leads me to fearing…
  7. …that I won’t ever have another child.  That the efforts we have taken, are taking, and will take won’t be enough.  That it won’t ever happen, and that I will not know how to be ok with that.

Trying to live with these fears is crazy hard.  Trying to live without them requires a level of faith that I strive for continually.  I have it some days, but there are more days that I don’t, and I need to be reminded that God can do anything, and that includes shoring up my inadequate faith.

Mark 9:14-29…14 And when they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them, and scribes arguing with them. 15 And immediately all the crowd, when they saw him,  were greatly amazed and ran up to him and greeted him. 16 And he asked them, “What are you arguing about with them?” 17 And someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has  a spirit that makes him mute. 18 And whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid. So I asked your disciples to cast it out, and  they were not able.” 19 And he answered them, “O  faithless generation,  how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me.” 20 And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it  convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. 21 And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22 And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But  if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’!  All things are possible for one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out[d] and said, “I believe;  help my unbelief!”25 And when Jesus saw that  a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” 26 And after crying out and  convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, “He is dead.” 27 But Jesus  took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. 28 And when he had  entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” 29 And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.”[e]

Lord, I believe.  Please help my unbelief. 


7 thoughts on “What Am I Afraid Of?

  1. Those are most of my fears except I hate insects and I am afraid of getting stuck upside down on roller coasters and hate elevators! Also afraid of being inadequate. Maybe that’s every women? Loved your post. Great writing.

    • Thanks. One thing I didn’t list was being afraid of getting stuck in a tight space that I can’t get out of, or feeling like I can’t move or catch my breath. In which case, underwater spelunking is NOT for me. 🙂

      Thanks for the kind words.

  2. So after having written this, today in my email I find this verse:
    Cast all your anxiety on him [God] because he cares for you. — 1 Peter 5:7

  3. “…that I am an inadequate parent.”

    I don’t know whether you would find it helpful, but Bryan Kaplan has an interesting new book out: Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent Is Less Work and More Fun than You Think. He discusses nature vs. nurture (using twin and adoption studies, mostly) and argues that (1) a lot of parents today make parenting into a monumental task that involves a lot more work than it needs to, and (2) mostly the children will turn out however they turn out anyway, no matter what we do; so we may as well relax.

    For an economist, I think he’s a funny writer. I don’t think he’s 100% right, but I think he’s probably right about a lot of it.

    It’s not exactly Mark or First Peter, but it might be helpful as far as it goes!

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