I love, love, love the word dumbassery. Yes, I know it’s not in the dictionary. Well, not officially, anyway, but it absolutely should be. There are several entries in the Urban Dictionary, which is a positively overflowing repository of American slang, much of which should be in the official English language lexicon. Anyway, back to dumbassery, which is defined as…
- The actual actions of a dumbass
- when a dumbass engages in foolishery (foolishery…another word that should be real)
- A series of actions performed by one person that can be used to prove that that person is a dumbass
- multiple acts of being a dumbass; the act of being a dumbass
- The complete and total act of being a dumbass
Although I could probably come up with a positively brobdingnagian list of my own forays into dumbassery, I don’t actually have any pictures to prove that it actually happened, so instead I will leave you with some smashing examples:
While this may not, at first glance, appear to be dumbassery in progress, one only needs to glance at the man himself…with a derth of safety gear, crash pads, or anything that might prevent serious head injury…and we know without a doubt that the end of this stunt is not going to be pretty. Nope, not at all.
About the only thing I can say about this next example is that, thankfully, we can easily identify this dumbass. Nothing like tattooing yourself with the goal of having a cow’s anus front and center to pretty much seal the deal on your dumbass status. Showing it off is just adding insult to my injured eyes. Nevertheless, I am grateful that this level of dumbassery is so (painfully) obvious.
And then there’s decorating dumbassery. I don’t know about you, but sticking my finger in a deer’s rectum to ring the door bell is not high on my list of things to do…ever. This particular style of decorating is often called redneck, but frankly that is an insult to rednecks. Being from a family that has our fair share of rednecks, I can say without hesitation that there has never been a deer butt doorbell on display. Ever. I’m calling it a decorating FAIL, and a fabulous illustration of (nearly) functional dumbassery.
Lest we think that dumbassery tends to be a guy thing, I present you with this next brilliant display…on television…to live on in perpetuity. When asked the question “Which of the following is the largest?” and presented with the following choices: a) a peanut, b) the moon, c) an elephant, and d) a kettle, I might have chosen elephant as well. I mean, the moon does look awfully little way up there in the sky! And elephants are really, really big. Anyway…D’OH!
I think my work here is done, and I wish you an evening free of dumbassery. Until tomorrow…